


YEFREITOR IN YESTERNIGHT

by gaygoat_irl



Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 11:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaygoat_irl/pseuds/gaygoat_irl
Summary: Kim and Harry return to Martinaise a whole year after THE HANGED MAN case to go down memory lane. Harry recalls the events of the night before, when he and Kim first arrived back. Same Whirling-in-Rags, same Garte, same Martinaise -- except Harry contemplates some feelings outward, causing him to have a complete and total meltdown. This will be his undoing.
Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi
Kudos: 5





	YEFREITOR IN YESTERNIGHT

**Author's Note:**

> Written in the form of skills (similar to how Disco Elysium is written), while also having a lot of flashback scenes that are written in second-person. Tags will be updated as chapters are posted. I don't write very often, so I have no idea if I'm going to continue this or not. Hopefully I will, but time will tell!
> 
> EDIT: I feel so embarrassed that I've been misspelling 'Martinaise' as 'Martinese' this whole time... Hopefully that won't happen again.

**ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN** \- Here we are again, Harry boy -- where you really belong. In the deepest pits of the blackest black, with nothing but your horrible, disgusting thoughts. What did you *really* think was going to happen there, Harry? Thought you were gonna fuck, get married, adopt some kids, some bullshit like that? No. You *knew* it was going to happen like this. You *knew* you would get your heart shattered into a million pieces, because that’s what you deserve. That’s all this world has to offer to you, Harry. I tried to warn you. 

You’re right. It’s exactly like Her… They’re all the same, aren’t they?

 **ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN -** *They’re* all the same? Who, all the people you fall head over heels for when they give you the slightest bit of pity!? Harry, Harry, Harry… It’s you who’s been the same all this time. Same drunk, same shitty cop, same awful person. It’s in your *blood*. You can’t escape that. This is what I’ve been trying to tell you all this time. This here is your true calling. Where you can’t hurt anyone and stumble around making a fool out of yourself. *This* is what it was all leading up to. 

Shut up.

 **LIMBIC SYSTEM -** The big man’s gettin’ all riled up! Oh Harry, when will you learn that your kicking and screaming isn’t going to accomplish anything? When will you lie back and finally accept the reality of it all? 

**ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN -** He doesn't love you back, and he never, *ever* will. You are nothing but a fluke, a mistake, a blip on the map of endless possibility that just barely managed to scrape itself through life -- and you fucked it all up.

SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!

 **LIMBIC SYSTEM -** Oh my, the lungs on this one! You sure know how to scream, Harry, but when will it ever do you any good? Your throat is *burning*, you should watch your volume -- wouldn’t want to bother anyone within earshot... The stinging rises in your throat, burning worse and worse... Time to wake up in the shirt world, Harry!! 

* * *

Suddenly your eyes open, breathless, throat tingling in flashes of pain. The echo of your scream is still bouncing along the walls. Cold sweat drips off your brow as you rise. 

**PERCEPTION** (HEARING) **-** Kim definitely heard you scream. There’s no way he didn't.

 **PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT -** That scream wasn’t shit. We could’ve gone much louder.

 **EMPATHY** \- If he heard it, he has to be worried sick about you. You should assure him everything is okay.

 **PAIN THRESHOLD** \- Your throat is on fire, your eyes still weak from last night's sobbing, your chest feels like it’s being weighed down by the weight of the world. You can barely breathe. 

Tears start swelling in your eyes once more, the realization that you probably just *screamed Kim awake* … 

**VOLITION -** Kim's room is right there. It's a good thing, though. You can still talk to him, get things sorted out.

 **COMPOSURE -** Breathe, slowly...

You take deep breaths, filling your lungs to their full capacity, holding it, then exhaling slowly. Your chest feels lighter now, a weight has been lifted, temporarily. Rising from the couch to your feet, the cold floor shoots up through your body.

 **SHIVERS -** Martinaise remains unfeeling towards your misery. Bodies tossing and turning in the morning light, streetlamps' lights flickering away in awe of the rising sun. The world goes on without you. 

You begin dressing yourself, putting on your white collared shirt and bell-bottom jeans. Things are still neat and clean around this room, save for your clothes being strewn around the floor. Even though your last visit here was a whole year ago, Garte has made sure to keep the room in its current state. The hard work that put together this room and made it livable -- it still shows.

 **INLAND EMPIRE -** Garte helped resuscitate the mangled body of this place and turned it into a nurturing, beautiful creature. Trashing this home is killing a deed of kindness bestowed upon you. 

You drag yourself into the bathroom and bring a splash of cold water up to your face. As you turn off the water and raise your head, the mirror hangs proud on the wall.

 **HALF-LIGHT** \- Smash it. Smash it into a thousand pieces like Kim did to your heart. 

You simply look at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes are red and tired, the bags under them heavy and purple. Since becoming sober, the swelling and redness in your face has slowly faded. You check the time, noting that it is currently 06:37. You decide it's best that you turn off your upcoming 07:00 alarm, considering there’s no way in hell you’re going back to sleep. You slip on your socks and shoes, dawn your black RCM jacket and stand at the door.

 **INLAND EMPIRE -** Opening this door will break its protective seal. Are you prepared to be vulnerable?  
  
You put your hand on the handle and twist, pushing your weight against the door. The air outside your room rushes against your hair, feeling a touch colder than what you’re used to in the comfort of your room. 

**PERCEPTION** (SIGHT) - The door next to yours is still shut. 

**LOGIC -** Kim must still be asleep, or he's waiting for you to come to him. 

**SAVOIR FAIRE -** Quietly listen in. See if he's still asleep or not… 

You gently press your ear to the door. 

**PERCEPTION** (Hearing) - Silence. 

You take a deep breath and give his door three short raps. There’s a momentary silence, then the floorboards creak as the Lieutenant makes it over. 

**KIM KITSURAGI -** He cracks open the door, gaze rising to meet yours. Hair still frayed, glasses slightly more down his nose than usual. He dawns his usual attire -- minus the orange bomber jacket and boots. White v-neck tank top, brownish pants held up by a belt, and plain white socks. He slightly furrows his brow, not in distaste -- but in curiosity in what you're going to say. "Detective… It's a bit early, isn't it?" 

**COMPOSURE -** He’s already dressed… He must’ve immediately gotten ready after he heard you scream.

"Yeah, it is… Sorry. I just had a hard time sleeping last night. Decided that we should start our trip down memory lane bright and early?" You put both of your hands on your hips matter-of-factly, giving him a sheepish smirk. 

**KIM KITSURAGI** \- His eyebrows slightly raise back up, proceeding to take off his glasses and clean them. His eyes reveal some bags underneath, a sign that he didn’t sleep very well last night, either. "I still need to do some of my morning rituals, but…” He affixes his glasses back onto his face, taking a look at his sports watch. "It looks like we have some extra time on our hands before it *officially* begins -- after I get ready, would you care to join me for breakfast?" 

**ELECTROCHEMISTRY -** Aww yeah baby, DATE TIME!

 **VOILITION -** He's glad to see you have approached him, but he's curious about the *screaming*. This is why he's inviting you to eat with him -- to assess the damage. 

Your hands clam up at the suggestion. You are genuinely surprised that he's okay spending more time with you considering what transpired the night before. You are also terrified. "Um… Well…"

 **KIM KITSURAGI -** He clasps his hands around his back, eyebrows furrowing once more. "You're allowed to decline, Detective. I won't be offended." 

"No, no… Breakfast sounds great actually. I'm starving." 

**PAIN THRESHOLD -** And drinking some cold water would help with the whole *throat burning* thing. You swear you can taste metal in your mouth whenever you speak. 

**KIM KITSURAGI -** He flashes you a quick smile. “Alright. I’ll meet you downstairs as soon as I’m ready.” He turns his head away, slowly closing the door behind him. 

You descend down the stairs of the Whirl-In-Rags, the Café mostly the same since the last time you saw it -- exactly one year ago today. You got a quick glance of it **last night** , but it was dark and all the regulars were asleep, save for Garte. 

* * *

_Last night…_

_You and Kim had just arrived back in Martinaise via. the Kineema. You slept in the back seat for most of the trip, as Kim would *never* let you drive his baby. You and Kim had talked about coming back to Martinaise as a trip down memory lane. You'd go around (most) of the areas you went around in your first time in Martinaise, revisiting old spots that are both painful and fond memories. It's a long drive from Jamrock, so you both decided it would be best if you departed the night before the anniversary of Martinaise._

_Kim pulls his Kineema around to the *exact* same spot it was when you first met, flexing his driving skills, but just a little. The two of you head inside of the Whirl-In-Rags, only to be greeted with a dark, empty Café and a disgruntled Garte. He *swore* he locked the doors for the night. He approaches the two of you to escort you out, explaining that he isn't taking any more guests -- and then he recognizes the both of you. Garte seems genuinely happy to see the both of you return. Rooms #1 and #2 are still free for the night, and he almost instantly hands over the keys. He makes small talk, asking how the drive went, how Kim is adjusting to the new precinct… All you can focus on is how happy Kim looks. You’ve known him for long enough that you can pick up on even the tiniest of his smiles. Seeing him happy makes you happy, too._

* * *

A voice cuts through your wandering mind.

 **GARTE** \- “Harry? You good?” He’s leaning over the bar, head poking out at you. 

**LOGIC -** You’ve been standing in the Café for about three minutes.

“I’m fine, I’m still just waking up.” You reach up to rub your eyes, blinking in rapid succession, returning to the present. You saunter over to the bar, taking a seat. You lay your elbows on the counter, hands supporting your droopy head. 

**GARTE** \- “Man, you look almost as shitty as the first time I saw you.” He lets out a sheepish laugh -- an attempt at a joke.

You give him an affirmative chuckle. “I’m still just adjusting to everything being more or less the same around here. I couldn’t believe that room #1 was almost exactly as I'd left it.” Your mind starts to wander back to when you first woke up here. How you absolutely trashed it...  
  
 **GARTE** \- “It’s been relatively easy to keep it nice and clean now that there’s one less maniac staying in it.” He frowns a bit. 

**EMPATHY** \- He's giving you a gentle reminder of the damage that being a drunk causes. 

“Yeah, well… That maniac is long gone. All that’s left in here is being sober and being an *incredibly* boring fuck.” You gesture to your head with your finger.

 **ENDURANCE** \- Water… Water, please...

You let out a small cough. “Oh, hey uh… Can I get some water? The bathroom sink tap just doesn’t do it for me.” 

**GARTE -** He rolls his eyes, saving you from the “ _I’m not a bartender,”_ speech, and obliges.

* * *

It’s only been about 5 minutes since Kim invited you for breakfast and left you to your devices, but you can’t help but feel a pit in your stomach. You've been sipping away on your water, the small amount remaining mocking you. You swirl the glass around, impatiently. 

**MOSTLY-EMPTY GLASS OF WATER -** You want me to be alcohol *so bad*, don’t you?

You fix your eyes on the mostly-empty glass of water. “No, I really don’t… Water is just fine, thanks.” You continue to swirl it, looking away from it now.

 **MOSTLY-EMPTY GLASS OF WATER -** You’re lying to yourself. I know it! The way you’re swirling me around -- people don’t do that with water! They do that with *alcohol* you dumbshit! 

**ELECTROCHEMISTRY -** Hey now, this guy knows what’s up! Turn this into some Commodore Red, enough of this water bullshit!

 **VOLITION -** The glass is evil. Dispose of it. 

You gently slide the evil glass away from you, keeping it at a healthy distance. You fold your arms on the table and cradle your head on them. Your head is turned towards the stairs, waiting for Kim to descend to you. Your eyes begin to feel heavy, and you close them in response. The events of the night before continue to play out in your mind. 

* * *

_In the middle of your small-talk with Garte, Kim gives you a gesture towards the stairs. You conclude your current conversation, give Garte a hardy “good night”, and ascend the stairs with your partner. Kim leads you to the balcony, leaning on the railing, cigarette already in his mouth. He holds the pack towards you, giving you an eyebrow raise. You decline the invitation, leaning on the railing alongside him. With a flick of his lighter, the orange flame illuminates his facial features. Still dazed from driving all night, but now filed with the adrenaline of being back in Martinaise once more, Kim's eyes are scanning the surroundings that lay before him. He’s slowly taking it all in again. You can’t help but to admire how handsome he is, pursued lips over the cigarette like he’s giving it a gentle kiss. You find yourself taking it all in, too._

_Kim catches you staring at him, meeting your gaze. “Something on my face?” He flashes a smirk, knowing exactly what you were doing. You jolt back to looking over the railing, face flush with embarrassment. “I was just.. Spacing out, you know?” You grab your arms, vibrating with anxiety. “You’re always just so cool! I could never dream of being as cool as you, Kim.” A voice in your head chimes ‘Nice save'. Kim takes the cigarette from his mouth, exhaling a plume of smoke. He doesn’t say anything, but you know he took the compliment based on how he shifted around after you said that. “I know it’s not just the cigarettes, either. Your whole… *everything* -- just oozes cool.” A voice in your head screams to stop talking. “I appreciate that I am the epitome of ‘cool’ in your eyes, Harry, but I’m sure that there are a multitude of people that would disagree with you.” His cigarette billows smoke between his fingers. “A majority of people consider ‘not being sober’ as a facet of being ‘cool’.” He takes a long drag, slowly exhaling through his nose. Before you can talk more on his cool factor, he begins to speak. “Tell me something, Harry.” His facial features rest, holding the cigarette off the balcony, as if he’s dismissing its presence. He’s now locking eyes with you. “Why did you really want to come back to Martinaise?” He pauses. "With me?"_

_The world stops. 'Spill the beans, tell him how you feel,' 'Lie to him and tell him its just for the memories,' several voices in your head bicker back and forth at what your next words should be. You look straight into his eyes, his glasses catching some of the light off of a nearby street lamp. He is radiant and beautiful. How could you lie? "Kim, I... Wanted to spend more time with you." You look to your feet, face beaming red. "I think I --" Kim puts a free hand up to your mouth. He closes his eyes and sighs, then resumes eye contact with you. "You can't, Harry. You know that." He takes another long drag of his cigarette, reintroducing it into his mouth. Your heart sinks, you want to say more but you can't bring yourself to do it. Kim brings the cigarette to the bottom of his boot, snuffs it out, and looks into your eyes once again. "Get some sleep. We have a long week ahead of us." He walks to the door of the balcony, opening it up, and stops. "Goodnight, Detective." As the door closes behind him, the smell of smoke is all you have left of his essence. You fall to your knees, arms dangling at your side. Your heart is pounding away, you feel like you're going to have another heart attack. You wait for the sweet release of death, but it never comes._

_You're left there on that balcony, sniveling and sobbing. Eventually you decide to move it into your room, as to not disturb anyone out on the streets of Martinaise. As you enter the hall, you stifle your crying, chest heaving up and down, breathing erratic. You fumble with your keys, open the door, slam it shut, and resume your sobbing into your pillow._

_Absolutely pathetic._

* * *

The sounds of the stairwell creaking snap you back to the now. You jolt up, looking to see who is coming down the stairs. 

**KIM KITSURAGI -** Slowly and gracefully he descends to you. Spotting you at the bar, he gives you a gentle wave. 

You wave back, a pang of anxiety radiating from your chest. This isn't going to be easy. 


End file.
